Top 10- Rules Divorcing Couples should follow

 you can find the fulll and original informatiojn of this on this website   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/05/laura-wasser_n_4045525.html

1. Communicate your expectations, in marriage and in divorce: Throughout any relationship, communication is crucial. If you are in a serious relationship and living together or entering into a marriage contract, it is very important to discuss expectations prior to doing so. These expectations could include anything from how to raise your children, where you will live, what kind of vacations you like to take and financial expectations. A prenuptial agreement is one way of leading into that conversation. I am always astounded at the couples who come to me after being married for some period of time and reveal that they never had such a conversation, whether or not a prenuptial agreement was in place. Conversations about money certainly are not sexy, but they should give each of you some clarity and enable you to enter into your marriage with a better understanding of each other and what is important. Work and home responsibilities, joint or separate accounts, budgets, etc. are all subjects which should be discussed.

2.  Get counseling: One of the first chapters of my book is called "How Do You Know?." Generally, there are no lightning bolts or magical signs that tell you when it is time to get divorced. When the bad starts outweighing the good on a consistent basis, you may feel that taking the next step is appropriate. It is a very personal decision and most likely should be arrived upon with the help of some kind of counseling or support.

3.  Put your children first: Many parents say that this is their goal but seem to forget it during the throes of the divorce process. If you can keep your children's best interests first and foremost in your mind, other issues will fall into place.

4.  Be kind: Treat your spouse or partner the way you would like to be treated yourself. Once you do embark upon the separation or divorce process, it is very important to remember three key things: Be kind, be reasonable, be brief. Remember that this person will no longer be your spouse, but he or she will continue to be your co-parent, family member and perhaps business partner in certain assets or entities. Even if one or both of you lacked consideration or compassion during your marriage, this is the time to exhibit those qualities.

5.  Remember that this is a business transaction: Like the marriage contract you entered into, your divorce is a legal transaction. Treat it that way. Try not to let emotion, hurt, fear or anger dictate the circumstances of your discussions or negotiations. Try to keep your emotions out of the process and things will move more smoothly.

6.  Do your research when lawyering up: If it turns out that you do need the assistance of an attorney to help you through the divorce process, here are some tips for choosing one: In seeking a lawyer, you are looking for an advocate, an expert advisor on the law and on your rights and responsibilities, a strategist, a negotiator, and a litigator. But remember: No lawyer is as invested as you are in the outcome of the process, so it is necessary to become and stay involved in the process; that is also the best help you provide to your lawyer. Find a pool of lawyers from whom to choose, solicit referrals from other professionals you know or deal with — an accountant, banker, business leader. Check out Bar Association listings as well, and don’t neglect internet research. An in-person meeting is worthwhile, even if you pay for it, to explore the lawyer’s record of achieving settlements via mediation/negotiation vs. via court proceedings, to get a feel for the lawyer’s manner, and to see if there is chemistry and a sense of comfort between you. In a preliminary consultation, determine the lawyer’s fees, terms, and schedule availability.

7.  Keep in mind that your attorney is not your therapist: While it is important to have a support system while going through the process, your lawyer is not qualified (and is generally billing at too high a rate) to be your mental health provider. Keep the legal and the emotional separate and you will save on fees.

8.  Be creative: There is probably no such thing as a good divorce, but clinging to an old idea of how relationships are unraveled can make a bad thing even worse. That there is a whole new way to dissolve your relationship -- really a whole new choice of ways to do it. The evolution in family law has been accompanied by advances in mediation, collaborative practice, and self-representation, by the development of support and counseling practices, and by a substantive body of data on the impact of dissolution, direct and indirect, on all parties. And there is a whole new cadre of divorce lawyers -- like me -- who know how to help their clients navigate this new territory and emerge from it strong in mind, spirit, and resources and eager to move on to the next stage of their lives.

9.  Live your life: Do not let your divorce take over your life. You have responsibilities, commitments and non-divorce related activities to attend to. It is OK to take a break from your divorce even as you are controlling the process. Do not micro-manage the process.

10.  Stick together even as you are coming apart: If you have children, consider that you will always will be a family even if you are not living under the same roof. That is the point you need to make to your children not only when you sit down and tell them you are splitting up, but in every bit of follow-up. Forever, actually. This message needs to be branded onto the brains of all participants: This is us; we are a family, a unique and special configuration with a unique and special body of experience to our name and whatever our living arrangements, the configuration does not change. Think like a family member, act as a united front and have your ex's back when it comes to members of the extended family, your children, teachers and school administrators, etc. This will send a message to your children and to your ex and help you not only throughout the dissolution process, but beyond.

Marriage Problems That Lead To Divorce After Decades

you can find this artcle on this website  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/09/marriage-problems_n_3869273.html

When Ann Morgan James’ husband asked her for a divorce just two months shy of their 18th wedding anniversary, she was blindsided. The California author says she was fully aware the couple was having trouble, but believed they could make the relationship work. Her husband, apparently, did not. He asked her for a divorce and now the couple shares legal custody of their 14-year-old son.

 Most of us are shocked to hear divorce news when it concerns a couple who spent more than a decade together. We wonder how they could have invested so much time into their relationship, only to declare it no longer works. Danielle Horwich, a licensed clinical social worker in Los Angeles, says while there are no easy answers, there may be some obvious reasons behind the demise of a long and (what appeared to be) happy marriage.

 A Loss of Connection

 One reason behind the collapse of a longtime marriage could be that some couples may feel a loss of connection with each other once their children are grown and their day-to-day lives are no longer about parenting and building a home for their kids.

“After 20 or so years, when the children have gone, entered college, or begun families of their own, the couple must look towards each other and ask themselves: without our children what do we have?” says Horwich. “Some couples will see this transition as a vibrant opportunity to embark on new adventures. Others, will look towards one another and see they no longer recognize and understand the partner they married.”

 A Realization That Life is Short

 Rob L., a divorced non-profit executive in Minnesota, ended his 27-year marriage after being critically injured in a vehicle accident. “One day I was riding home from work on my scooter when a motorist didn’t see me. I woke up seven weeks later with my jaw wired shut and unable to move,” explained Rob. “When I was able to take in all that had occurred, I decided life was too precious to live in a dead, lonely marriage any longer.”

 According to Horwich, individuals may feel the need to take on a new path in mid-life. Many of us begin to face the eventual inevitability of our own mortality between the ages of 40 and 65. “As mid-lifers encounter the reality of limited years, many reevaluate their success thus far,” explains Horwich. “They ask questions like, ‘Am I meeting my life goals? Am I leaving a positive mark on the world? Do I have new goals I would like to achieve?’ These are the challenges that offer the couple an opportunity to grow together or separate towards divorce.”

 A Lack of Coping Skills

 While midlife may be the time in which you are supposed to coast into your golden years, it’s also the time when life can present quite difficult circumstances. Health issues, caring for aging parents, and dealing with the death of loved ones all become more common occurrences in midlife, and require great adaptation and coping skills for couples. If a couple doesn’t have the coping skills necessary to make it through a major traumatic event, it could lead to a breakdown between the two of them.

 “Rigidity and inflexibility to new roles and new habits is often what leads a marriage to break in the midst of these changes,” explains Horwich. “Conflict is inevitable, yet how the couple manages this conflict will be essential to their success.”

 Ann Morgan James wanted to deal with the conflict in her marriage, but that wasn’t necessarily true of her husband. “I came from a place where I would never think of leaving him, I thought we would work things out,” she said. “However, he came from a place where you just leave. There was no talking, no fixing, it was just over.”

 While all couples are bound to face major life changes and traumatic events throughout the evolution of their relationship, it doesn’t have to mean their love is doomed. Horwich says there are plenty of things couples can do now to ensure their marriage endures the long-haul:

• Remain connected as a couple during child rearing.
• Schedule regular date nights (where talking about the kids is off limits).
• Plan nights away for just the two of you.
• Begin asking yourself today how you want to be living your life. What are your genuine life goals? Have you begun pursuing them in any way, and can you?
• Commit to being self-aware and communicate your dreams, fears, and desires to your partner.
• See your partner, listen to your partner and notice how he/she is evolving.
• Learn to use productive communication skills.
• Work on the challenges of your marriage today. Begin now.
• Notice if you are rigid or inflexible when changes occur. See if you can let go.
• Short or long-term therapy to manage these tasks is well worth the investment for a marriage that continues till death do us part. (Plus, it’s much less expensive than a divorce!)

why do married couple divorce?

THIS VIDEO THAT I HAVE MANAGED TO FIND IS FROM YOUTUBE. YIU CAN WATCH THIS VIDEO HERE -------->  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOkvrDI-3UY]

THIS IS A VIDEO ABOUT WHY COUPLES DIVORCE.THIS VIDEO MAY RELATE TO MY COURSEWORK BECAUSE I AM DOING SOMETHING WHICH IS ABOUT DIVORCE.

 this one is a video of why we love and why do we divorce?
you can find this video on this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIyoUwXFyu4

Divorce ARTICLE about FAMILY LIFE

you can find the full story of this article on http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/divorce/10409240/Disastrous-drop-in-out-of-court-mediation-for-divorcing-couples.html

'Disastrous' drop in out-of-court mediation for divorcing couples

The number of divorcing couples using special out-of-court sessions to settle disputes over property and children has collapsed in the wake of legal aid cuts

Thousands of divorcing couples and their children are being drawn into bitter but avoidable court battles in the wake of Government cuts to legal aid, stark new figures show.

The changes have triggered a virtual collapse in an alternative system designed to help families facing separation reach agreement over their property and children’s upbringing without going to court, they suggest.

According the figures obtained from the Ministry of Justice under the Freedom of Information Act, the number of couples inquiring about formal mediation has halved since the cuts came into force in April.

Meanwhile the number of couples formally entering into the process – which the Government has hailed as an alternative to costly and often bitter litigation – is down by a third in that time.

It has been accompanied by a surge in the numbers of people applying directly to courts, often without the help of a lawyer, for rulings on contentious and complex issues such as contact with their children.

Family Lawyers said the dramatic drop bore out warnings that the cuts could trigger the collapse of the family court system which is already under strain.

They said that there is already evidence of cases being delayed and simple processes which could once have been completed in a day now taking weeks or months because of the extra pressure on court staff.

From April of this year legal aid has no longer been available in most divorce cases except in extreme cases such as where there are allegations of domestic violence.

As a result lawyers have reported receiving fewer initial consultations from couples who chose instead to represent themselves in court without legal advice for fear of what it would cost.

But family solicitors are required by law to advise them about the possibility of mediation, a formal process in which they could reach a legally binding settlement relatively amicably without having to go before a judge.

According to figures from the MoJ, only 6,090 couples attended a formal meeting to explore mediation options between April and August of this year in England and Wales – down from 12,415 in the same period last year.

Only 4,000 went on to embark on mediation in the first five months of the new system, down by 33 per cent.

But the figures, obtained by the mediation group lawyersupportedmediation.com, suggest that the situation may be getting worse. While the number of new mediations begin in May was down by 36 per cent on the previous year, in August the year-on-year decline was 47 per cent.

Marc Lopatin, the group’s founder, said: “The news is disastrous for separating families on all incomes.

“Family mediation is demonstrably successful given over two-thirds of people who decide to mediate, go on to reach agreement.”

Rachel Duke, head of family at the London law firm Ronald Fletcher Baker, said it was obvious that the influx of people registering applications directly with courts rather than going to mediation was slowing the whole system down.

“It hasn’t ground to a halt yet but it sometimes feels like it,” she said.

“The court process has built in an emphasis on helping parties reach agreement but inevitably there is a certain element of polarisation that happens whenever you enter into the court system.

“People who represent themselves can feel quite defensive, helpless and lost, not quite knowing what is going on.

“If they are responding to an application they turn up at court having received papers, not always understanding why and potentially in the middle of all this are the children.”

Lord McNally, the family justice minister said: "We are aware there has been a recent drop in referrals to mediation and are working closely with the Family Mediation Council and legal profession to address this.

Mediation can be quicker and cheaper than stressful family court battles and often produce better results - which is why we are committed to helping more separating families to use the excellent services available.

"Last year almost 17,000 people successfully used publicly funded family mediation and we have ensured that millions of pounds of legal aid remains available to pay for anyone eligible. We are also now changing the law so anyone considering court action over disputes about children or finances will be legally obliged to attend a mediation meeting first.

My thoughts about this article

Personally if i was the one who just got married and then a few  years later my husband decides to file a divorce I would not be so happy. if we have a child together he/she would not be so happy experiencing that experience because it is obvious that they cannot let one of their parents go. 

Never mind having a lot of arguments or fights that is too normal for a couple but I think that having a divorce is not good because it can affect not only both of the couples life but their children's life because they will feel left out. they will not get used to not having both of their parents. 

I would never sign a paper for the annulment as they call it, because if it was my his fault then he should be the one to care for it because what he has done is not right then in that way I would maybe say yes to the divorce. it depends about how big the problem is. 

single Mothers/ GROWING UP WITHOUT A MALE ROLE MODEL FOR THEIR CHILDREN article

i have found a newspaper article which i got from DailyMail website and yiu can read the whole story from here http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2338646/One-million-children-growing-male-role-model-Report-blames-single-parent-families-lack-men-classrooms.html

One million children are growing up without a male role model: Report blames single-parent families and lack of men in classrooms

• 1. Number of single-parent families rising by 20,000 each year
• 2. Areas of Sheffield, Liverpool and Birmingham have largest amount of single parents
• 3.Children from broken homes 50 per cent more likely to struggle at school
• 4. Family break-ups are costing taxpayers £46 billion a year

A million children are growing up in ‘men deserts’, living without a father and rarely meeting an adult man, a study of family breakdown said yesterday.

It said the continuing increase in the number of lone parent families means that in some areas three out of four families are headed by one parent.

Their children, most of whom are growing up without fathers, lack the influence of men not only at home but also in the other key areas of their lives, the report from the Centre for Social Justice said.

In particular few ever meet men at school. One in four of all primary schools has no male teacher and four out of five have fewer than three, it found.

The report described the impact of family breakdown as an ‘emergency’ and said that the response of politicians of both Left and Right has been ‘feeble’. It urged David Cameron to ‘get a grip’.

The findings are potentially embarrassing for the Prime Minister because the Centre for Social Justice is the brainchild of Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith, who launched it in 2004 shortly after being deposed as Tory leader.

Its director Christian Guy said: ‘For all of the promises the Conservatives made in opposition, hardly anything has been done to resist the tsunami of family breakdown battering the United Kingdom.’

The study, Family Breakdown: The State Of The Nation, said numbers of lone parent families are rising by 20,000 a year and will reach a total of two million before the next election in 2015.

Some areas are dominated by single parent families, it found.

In one area of Sheffield, Manor Castle, 75 per cent of households with dependent children are lone parent families.

The report said half of all children now being born will not grow up with both their birth parents and that in all a million children have no worthwhile contact with their fathers.

It added: ‘Lack of male role models in many young lives is further compounded by the dearth of male teachers within state primary schools.

Money matters: Single parent households are costing taxpayers £46 billion a year

Although these trends are nationwide, they are particularly pronounced in our poorest communities where two thirds of all young adolescents have seen their parents part.’

It said the costs of family break-up were ‘devastating’, adding that children from broken families are 50 per cent more likely to do badly at school, struggle to make friends, find it difficult to control their behaviour, or to overcome anxiety and depression.

The report estimated the cost of family break-up, including the price in benefits for state support of families without work, at £46billion a year, or £1,541 for each taxpayer.

It projected that the bill will rise to £49billion by 2015.

The main engine of family break-up, it said, is the spread of cohabitation. ‘It is the instability of cohabiting couples rather than a surge in divorce rates that is fuelling the disintegration of the UK family,’ the report said.

‘Since 1996, the number of people cohabiting has doubled to nearly six million.

Cohabiting parents are three times more likely to separate by the time a child is aged five than married couples.’

Since the election Mr Cameron has failed to act on his pledge to give a tax break to married couples.

He has, however, promoted same-sex marriage even though there was no mention of the subject in the Tory manifesto or the Coalition agreement.

my thoughts about this article

well, it depends if the mother of the child had been having problems with her husband/boyfriend then it is only fair that they will both decide to separate but obviously the mother is the only one who has the right to keep her child as it is hers, it came from her stomach and she gave birth to that child. But then again it is up to her if she wants the father to have the chance to see or meet up with that child if this is the case then the child will know who her/his father is which is a good idea. 

in the UK single parents are so common, I think they do this because they just want to get the benefits from the government. there are some young mothers without the father of their child and i think that in many cases this is not right because the baby should grow up with a father otherwise they may not appreciate it or they will question their mother as they grow up. 

i think the UK should change their rules a little bit about giving the single parents free BENEFITS because they should be able to find a job and work and earn money to be able to raise their child. It is so wrong for them to just rely in the government to give them the money or the help so that they can raise their child properly. 


 

exam notes

Exam notes

Exam
Question 1 - Always culture related
Question 2 - Identity related
Question 3 - Reading texts/images (eg; the sunglasses at the beginning of the Banksy documentary)
Question 4 - Anything comms + culture related; focusing on personal life/experiences of the world

Essay
Paragraph guide:
Topic sentence: refers to question, key information and some reference to a key concept.
Relevant theories/concepts?
Last Sentence: Sums up key points, refers back to question.

key concept

Communication&Culture Key concepts for exams

Communication: sender --> message --> receiver. 
Everything can be interpreted as a message.

Culture: cultural capitol links to taste. Its a way of expressing someone's means and values. Cultural practices and products are important. e.g. eating dinner on laps or at a table. there are even some products that we don't like to live without e.g. mobile phones

Context: what determines our behavior and culture. Our identity is shaped by it.

Representation: there are two types - positive and negative. It 

Value: is it "dead white guy" who decides? but we value many different products. 
There is high and low value of cultural products and there is debate on who decides what something is worth.

Identity: theories of identity - Johari Window and Goffman. Our identity is based on the roles we play e.g. student, daughter, husband

Power: is related to status, class, money, politics and culture (mainly consumerism). there are people with and without power which leads to a Hierarchy.

Code: reading messages- semiotics in context. We link images with codes also

Swapping a bike and brown ale for a polo pony and champagne ARTICLE ABOUT WOODY

you can find the article on this link ----->http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/3610669/Swapping-a-bike-and-brown-ale-for-a-polo-pony-and-champagne.html

Malcolm Woodcock (known to one and all as "Woody") is a hero to aspiring social climbers everywhere. Last summer, while working as a bicycle messenger in Manchester, his boss telephoned to say that a production company hired by Channel 4 wished to interview him for a role in the new series of Faking It, which has in the past transformed a naval officer into a drag queen, an insurance salesman into a stuntman and a cellist into a DJ.The task was clear: Woody would spend 28 days at Prince Charles's local polo club in Gloucestershire, training to become a professional-standard player. At the end of this, he would take part in a tournament watched by a panel of experts who would judge his performance and decide whether or not he was the real thing.But there were one or two obstacles to overcome. First, he had never ridden a horse. Second, he had never watched polo. Third, he did not exactly fit the profile of an up-and-coming polo player about to spend winters in Argentina and summers in Windsor Great Park.When selected for the programme, Woody had a ponytail sprouting from his otherwise shaven head and sported 13 tattoos. He wore a ring in his left nostril and several studs and spikes in his ears. He painted his nails black and never went anywhere without his gothic eyeliner. His clothes reflected an interest in what he calls "sleazy rock and death metal".
Five months later - after successfully bamboozling the judges and hobnobbing with the William-and-Harry set - Woody is back in Manchester, delivering parcels, and the studs, spikes and eyeliner have all been restored. Nothing much has changed, but everything is a little different.
"I realised that the people I was hanging out with at the polo club were exactly the same as me - except they had money," says Woody, 30. "I go down the pub and drink Newcastle Brown, and they go to the polo lounge and drink champagne. They want to have fun and dance on tables like me; but, in the morning, they get up and ride a horse while I get up and ride a bike.
"I've always believed in taking people as you find them. We didn't have too much in common but you change according to the people you're with, and I definitely became more genteel."
Woody was born in Middlesbrough, where his father was a fitter for British Rail. He has lived in Manchester for almost 10 years and says that working nine hours a day as a courier is more of a hobby than a job. He claims to be "lazy" and "stubborn", but you only have to watch the programme to realise that he can also be determined and single-minded.

"I know now that if I put my mind to something, I can do it. I just didn't want to fail."

During his stay at the Beaufort Polo Club, just outside Tetbury, Woody shared a house with Caspar West, 28, the club's senior coach and a part-time professional player. On arrival, he was given a haircut and manicure. The rings and studs were removed and he was taken to buy clothes at Hackett. When he met a horse for the first time, Woody looked nervous. At one point, West was so dispirited, he thought of giving up on him.

"I told him that this wasn't a holiday and that he should make more effort," says West. "This was after he went out for a drink and came back at 3am, completely out of his head. But we gave him a serious wake-up call and it seemed to change his attitude."

Woody was given a day of etiquette training at Cliveden Hotel, in Berkshire, where Drusilla Beyfus, author of Modern Manners, gave him a few pointers before he had dinner with members of the polo club.

"He was very determined and seemed almost over-confident," says Beyfus. "I am still astonished he managed to persuade the judges that he was the genuine article. I can only think that it was due to my amazing tutoring."

Woody thinks it was more a matter of common sense. "Drusilla was very nice but I'm not sure what I learnt. At one point, I sat down at a table and there were masses of knives and forks on either side of the mat. She asked me how I would decide which to pick up first and I told her I'd start from the outside and work inwards. I was right."

When the day of the tournament arrived, Woody was in a panic. To make matters worse, he was having problems with his horse, a pony called Lusmata. "I hated her. She was horrible to me but was meant to be a safe horse. The biggest problem was getting her to turn right. I thought the judges would realise I was a fraud within 30 seconds but it was a good day.

I even scored a goal and then I didn't want the game to end."

But the game did end - and so, too, did Woody's gallop into the fast lane of the polo world. Since returning home, he has hired polo books and videos from his local library, and has contemplated getting in touch with the Cheshire Polo Club - but nothing has come of it.

"I had a dream about riding a horse down Deansgate in Manchester, and would love to play if someone gave me a chance," he says. "But it's a rich person's sport and I've settled back into my old ways. It's no good pretending you're someone else. I can hardly afford to keep myself, let alone a horse."

Faking it

 while class we have been watching a tv show which is called  the 'bicycle courier to polo player'

 you can watch the link here -------------> http://www.channel4.com/programmes/faking-it/4od#2921435

his real name is known as Malcolm Woodcok, He was a University student but he left because he wanted to chnage his identity and be a polo player. but just before he applied for this he was a punk. It took them ages to decide whether he was the right one for being a polo player. He was so shocked because they turned him into a proper man. he wasn't a PUNK anymore because they got rid of everything in his looks that involved him being a punk. 

we have been focusing on Woody and his change in identity.
there are similarities between him and his polo trainer, Casper that relates to their stereotype like their clothing, accent and hobby. also when they first meet, convergent body language tells us about their identity and how they react to different people -  possibly because they think they are of different social class.

a strange aspect of the show is the disregard for Woody's polo abilities and a larger focus on his appearance. after the first 10 mins, he has already lost his dreadlock ponytail and beard and with the help of a personal stylist who values different things to him, Woody has become a materialist high culture polo spectator.

"I just have to look good". Woody says when asked about the aspects of his new identity.