you can find the fulll and original informatiojn of this on this website http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/05/laura-wasser_n_4045525.html
1. Communicate your expectations, in marriage and in divorce:
Throughout any relationship, communication is crucial. If you are in a
serious relationship and living together or entering into a marriage
contract, it is very important to discuss expectations prior to doing
so. These expectations could include anything from how to raise your
children, where you will live, what kind of vacations you like to take
and financial expectations. A prenuptial agreement is one way of leading
into that conversation. I am always astounded at the couples who come
to me after being married for some period of time and reveal that they
never had such a conversation, whether or not a prenuptial agreement was
in place. Conversations about money certainly are not sexy, but they
should give each of you some clarity and enable you to enter into your
marriage with a better understanding of each other and what is
important. Work and home responsibilities, joint or separate accounts,
budgets, etc. are all subjects which should be discussed.
2. Get counseling: One of the first chapters of my book
is called "How Do You Know?." Generally, there are no lightning bolts
or magical signs that tell you when it is time to get divorced. When
the bad starts outweighing the good on a consistent basis, you may feel
that taking the next step is appropriate. It is a very personal
decision and most likely should be arrived upon with the help of some
kind of counseling or support.
3. Put your children first: Many parents say that this is
their goal but seem to forget it during the throes of the divorce
process. If you can keep your children's best interests first and
foremost in your mind, other issues will fall into place.
4. Be kind: Treat your spouse or partner the way you would
like to be treated yourself. Once you do embark upon the separation or
divorce process, it is very important to remember three key things: Be
kind, be reasonable, be brief. Remember that this person will no longer
be your spouse, but he or she will continue to be your co-parent,
family member and perhaps business partner in certain assets or
entities. Even if one or both of you lacked consideration or compassion
during your marriage, this is the time to exhibit those qualities.
5. Remember that this is a business transaction: Like the
marriage contract you entered into, your divorce is a legal
transaction. Treat it that way. Try not to let emotion, hurt, fear or
anger dictate the circumstances of your discussions or negotiations. Try
to keep your emotions out of the process and things will move more
smoothly.
6. Do your research when lawyering up: If it turns out
that you do need the assistance of an attorney to help you through the
divorce process, here are some tips for choosing one: In seeking a
lawyer, you are looking for an advocate, an expert advisor on the law
and on your rights and responsibilities, a strategist, a negotiator, and
a litigator. But remember: No lawyer is as invested as you are in the
outcome of the process, so it is necessary to become and stay involved
in the process; that is also the best help you provide to your lawyer.
Find a pool of lawyers from whom to choose, solicit referrals from other
professionals you know or deal with — an accountant, banker, business
leader. Check out Bar Association listings as well, and don’t neglect
internet research. An in-person meeting is worthwhile, even if you pay
for it, to explore the lawyer’s record of achieving settlements via
mediation/negotiation vs. via court proceedings, to get a feel for the
lawyer’s manner, and to see if there is chemistry and a sense of comfort
between you. In a preliminary consultation, determine the lawyer’s
fees, terms, and schedule availability.
7. Keep in mind that your attorney is not your therapist:
While it is important to have a support system while going through the
process, your lawyer is not qualified (and is generally billing at too
high a rate) to be your mental health provider. Keep the legal and the
emotional separate and you will save on fees.
8. Be creative: There is probably no such thing as a good
divorce, but clinging to an old idea of how relationships are unraveled
can make a bad thing even worse. That there is a whole new way to
dissolve your relationship -- really a whole new choice of ways to do
it. The evolution in family law has been accompanied by advances in
mediation, collaborative practice, and self-representation, by the
development of support and counseling practices, and by a substantive
body of data on the impact of dissolution, direct and indirect, on all
parties. And there is a whole new cadre of divorce lawyers -- like me
-- who know how to help their clients navigate this new territory and
emerge from it strong in mind, spirit, and resources and eager to move
on to the next stage of their lives.
9. Live your life: Do not let your divorce take over your
life. You have responsibilities, commitments and non-divorce related
activities to attend to. It is OK to take a break from your divorce even
as you are controlling the process. Do not micro-manage the process.
10. Stick together even as you are coming apart: If you
have children, consider that you will always will be a family even if
you are not living under the same roof. That is the point you need to
make to your children not only when you sit down and tell them you are
splitting up, but in every bit of follow-up. Forever, actually. This
message needs to be branded onto the brains of all participants: This
is us; we are a family, a unique and special configuration with a unique
and special body of experience to our name and whatever our living
arrangements, the configuration does not change. Think like a family
member, act as a united front and have your ex's back when it comes to
members of the extended family, your children, teachers and school
administrators, etc. This will send a message to your children and to
your ex and help you not only throughout the dissolution process, but
beyond.
No comments:
Post a Comment